(no subject)

[snugglemint]

And when they wake, all this derision
Shall seem a dream and fruitless vision

~*~*~*~*~*~

I've woken up.

To say that I've matured is not as simple the case. It's more about accepting what is and what isn't, in my own little way.

~*~*~*~*~

And contrary wise, what it is, it wouldn't be.
And what it wouldn't be, it would.
You see?

~*~*~*~*~

Reality shall always be fleeting and just out of grasp, my mind is not geared for the harsh realities that life throws my way. I deal with life by being other people. Various, countless people that exist no further than my mind or in books from whence they first spawned.

Perhaps that is my problem.

I cater to these figments, I rely on them when times are falling prey to darker circumstances. Which is not a completely bad thing. However, I've lost myself in the process. I ignore myself and nurture these imaginings.

I'm moving on with my life.

~*~*~*~*~

Though this might just be the ending of the life I held so dear
But I won't run, there's no turning back from here

~*~*~*~*~

I'll still have muses, whether it's healthy or not I have very strong ties to the characters that flit around my mind. They simply just won't be top priority any more.

I have three roleplayers, ones that I have not roleplayed with since March. Sometimes it's their fault, sometimes it's mine, but it definitely doesn't fit any more.

I could sit and wonder if it's the characters, the certain plot, the other person, or if it's my own fault that things are failing. Perhaps it's a sprinkling of everything.

I promise:

Chelsea: I promise that I will not force our past on the present. We fit as we always have, but while I live no life, you seem to live two or three at a time. If we're honest then you don't have time for me, or perhaps you don't want to spend that time. I don't know, but I'm not going to wonder any longer. It is what it is.

Samantha: I've been distant, incredibly so. I know that our lack of roleplay is completely my fault and I'm fully aware of how much that makes me suck. We have very good roleplays, but it always seems to get awkward. At least, here lately. Maybe it's the roleplay itself, but I promise not to try and force myself and be insincere.

Heather: I'm not sure that we ever fit as roleplaying partners. I have fun with you, but it would seem that I can no take how our plots end up more sexual than anything else. That's why we always stutter to a stop, and thats why I always flake out and we don't rp except for at months at a time. I promise to try and be honest about how I feel toward the roleplay.

Myself: I promise to take more risks and to step outside the box of a room that I've holed myself up into. I promise to live life and make something of it for myself rather than going the easy way and molding thin air instead. I will take what comes with those risks head on and deal with them accordingly. Everything great must come with a consequence, and I will not take a good grace for granted. I know that everything relys on balance. The good cannot exist without the bad. Nor can we appreciate our good gifts if we only have good fortune to compare it to.

It is for this reason that I have decided that it's time that I take a risk. Next year, probably some time in June, I will be moving from Georgia and into Wisconsin. It will take sacrifices, several of them. However, "what if" has always been a part of my life, and I don't want to live with this particular what if circumstance.

Yes, I am moving because of someone, but no, it is not hasty.

I've known him for nine years now and he was always one of my fluttering dreams. I can't live on dreams though. I need to forge ahead and make my own way in life, and I'm trying this way. It may not work, but then again....

What if it did?

 

 

Comments

[synkkaenkeli.livejournal.com]

I'll let you tell me if you want to rp again. Mine and ash's rps kinda always end up like that, unless we have some massive developed storyline, and then there's more storyline mixed in with other stuff.

But I'm also here if you just wanna talk, about anything. I know I don't have the most interesting life even when I am working, so I don't always have a lot to talk about from my end.

Good luck with the move. I hope it works out for you better than my move to where I live now did for me.

[alafaye]

Woot. Go you ^_^

[snugglemint.livejournal.com]

For what? Moving? Lol.

[chopinchuu.livejournal.com]

I love our roleplays very much. <3 ;o
They're very fun and I think I've actually learned a lot from you writing wise whether I realize it or not. Hee. Thank you very much for addressing this though, I really appreciate it.

I wish you the best of luck in EVERYTHING. <3
Absolutely everything.
I'm very happy for you.